My partner has instructed me to send you this short excerpt from my diary (which I have kept since before I was introduced to chastity devices over 10 years ago) on behalf of partners who are thinking of, being challenged to, or are in transition to becoming holders of a chastity key. This is dedicated to future key holders who are going though the sometimes difficult process of growing into that role.
"1987, October, Thursday afternoon.
...caught masturbating in secret in bedroom for third time this month. She is angry, and demands I explain my behavior and if this is the 'tip of an iceberg' - what other things do I do in secret? Assured her I am not doing anything else or with anyone else, but can tell she doesn't believe me. Told her I don't want her to leave, and finally admited I can't be trusted. She is suddenly calmer; 'understands my situation'. What does this mean? She needs to think about our relationship. Wants to talk tomorrow. Apprehensive. Rest of the day tense but slowly things seem to return to normal.
Home from work, apprehensive, but to beautiful dinner. Usually she is talkative, but tonight only polite dinner talk. Too polite. After dinner, she asks me to clear the table and wash the dishes tonight, as she is going to go out to meet with her girlfriends awhile. How long? "It's really none of your business. Just have everything done by the time I get back. And stay out of the bedroom, please" - a firm, demanding "please" I have never heard before.
Cleared dining room, washed dishes. Waited an hour. Decided to watch TV - surprised to find it blocked by a new code! Waited another hour. Dark outside. Started to get worried for her. Finally decided to go into bedroom just for a moment to change into nightclothes. While changing, she suddenly appears in the doorway, now visibly angry. "I told you to stay out of my bedroom!" (My bedroom! It was ours last night!) Caught sight of her two girlfriends just behind her, looking curiously over her shoulders. "But now that you're here, just sit and wait quietly until I come back." No "please" this time.
Turns, closes door. 'Click' sound of a lock that wasn't there this yesterday! Walked to door and tried handle: It's locked! More apprehension. Waited impatiently for an hour or more. Finally, lock 'clicks' again and she and her girlfriends enter. She's serious; they're smiling wickedly. "Sit down. That's right, sit right there in the chair. And don't say anything, please. I don't want to hear any more excuses. It's time for us to talk." More wicked smiles.
"Yesterday, I really didn't know what to do when I caught you masturbating again in secret. No, don't deny it. I've already told my girlfriends about your behavior, and that you admitted to me yesterday that you can't be trusted...no, that's not exactly right: That I SHOULDN'T TRUST YOU. OK, well, I've come to realize that, like you said, I don't, can't and won't trust you anymore. So the question is, if we stay together, as you say you want, what am I going to do?"
She produces a written list of 'undesirable' (henceforth 'unacceptable') behaviors. Shocked to see masturbating in secret was only one of many! Slowly and clearly she reads them and explains that, from this moment on, she will no longer tolerate any such behavior. No more secrets... no more masturbating without her consent and unless she is present... no more TV in the evenings (wants slim, trim muscles). Must agree to these demands, and any future demands she might present. Started to object, but she says either I accept NOW, or she will leave with her girlfriends right and not come back. Started to nod in agreement, but heard, "Speak up! I want to hear it. I want both my girlfriends to hear your answer!"
Weakly, "Yes, OK, I'll do it."
"Yes, I'll do it...Madame."
She turns to her girlfriends; they talk quietly. Turns back to me, "It isn't enough to obey. You must obey without reservation and without hesitation. If you disobey, at any time, you will be punished. Do you understand?"
"What do you mean..."
"I don't 'mean' anything. Just you must obey. If you don't, you will be punished! Do you understand?"
"Say 'Yes, Madame' or 'No, Madame'."
"Yes, Madame" I heard myself say, from what seemed a long way off. "Yes, Madame."
"Good. Now stand up and take off your clothes."
"I said, 'Take off your clothes.' Do it now or you'll be punished!" (grins and chuckling by her girlfriend) "I said, 'Take of you clothes. All of them. Now!'"
"But your girlfriends..."
Slowly clothes came off to shorts. "Good. Now take the rest off, while we talk."
Slowly the shorts came off, while the women talk, ignoring me. "OK. Now turn around. That's right, turn around.... slowly!" Turned, slowly; can hear her talking to her girlfriends about each part of my body that displeases her: Arms too weak. Nipples to small. Belly too flabby. Butt too fat. "Now bend over the chair and show me your backside."
Felt the color rise in my face. "I..."
"Frankly, don't really care how you feel right now! Just bend over and show us your butt. It's time you know you're going to be treated like the dog you have been acting like. Not a pet dog. Just a dog." (from behind her, "Tell him the rest!") "Yes, well...Not just a dog, a bitch dog." ("Good for you!" "You finally said it!")
"That means I no longer have any use for your penis or balls. Bend over, I said! This is the only part of you I can see any further use for! And that'll be for YOUR training." Six hands spread me wide. "This sad, little, mostly unused hole: from now on it's going to be your only sexual outlet, and then, only when I choose." A long nailed finger ran slowly around. "Yes, I can see you will respond well. Now get up, and turn around. Let's see the sorry sight you are!" (laugh, point at flaccid crotch, more laughter)
"Starting NOW, whenever you come into my house, you are to come in by the garage and wait by the house door. You are to take off all of your clothes. All of them! Next to the door you'll find a leather dog collar, with your name on the tag, and a leash. Put them on and sit quietly on the newspapers you'll find on the cement floor next to the door. Wait there silently until I let you in. Do you understand?"
"In my house, you will sit only on the floor. When I am eating, you will sit silently next to my chair, at my feet. When I'm through eating, I will feed you. Starting now, you will eat from a dog dish, in order to exercise your tongue, which I have interest in. You will eat only what I give you. You will be on a strict diet. After dinner, and after clearing the table and washing the dishes, you will be strapped into the exercise machine you kindly gave me last year for my birthday, and will exercise until I decide you can stop. When you have to go to the bathroom, you will whine once quietly, and either one of my girlfriends or I will take you to the bathroom, or, late at night, if we prefer, outside to relieve yourself. In the bathroom, you are to sit on the toilet seat to relieve yourself; outside you will squat. You are to NEVER AGAIN TOUCH YOUR GENITALS. NEVER AGAIN! Do you understand?! If you do, or if I choose, I will place wrist cuffs on you and clip them to your dog collar, so you can't touch yourself. I warn you now, if you cheat, lie or disobey in any way, you will be spanked with a newspaper, just like a dog, you will be cuffed, and will receive only water for the next 24 hours."
"Tomorrow, you are to begin looking for a locking device, a chastity belt, that will completely restrict your male member from touch and view. I don't want to see it. I don't want you to be able to touch or rub yourself. I don't want it to be able to become erect. From now on, my girlfriends or I will reward obedience and honesty by stroking your breasts or nipples, and, when and if we so desire, by teaching you to enjoy receiving whatever we desire that tight, little anus of yours. But NEVER AGAIN will you experience penile stimulation or penile orgasm again. Furthermore, you will not be allowed to have an erection, unless I decide otherwise. If you somehow do, without my permission, then I will leave and will not come back. These are my demands at this time. They are written on this paper. There will be more, later. But for now, as soon as you agree to these demands by signing it, we will begin your training. The purpose of your training will be to bring you to a new place where your inability to be trusted will be developed into a desire to serve, faithfully and completely, any way I choose. It's not enough to serve. You must desire to serve, enough to do whatever I demand of you. That includes relinquishing your own body and pleasure, being denied any access to your genitals by having them physically locked up and giving me the single key. Do you agree?"
What can I say? This was over 10 years ago. My training has developed considerably since then. I am indeed changing, and slowly learning to enjoy serving my partner and master. As for the chastity device and key, well, I am instructed to send another part of my diary, and any photos you might desire, in a subsequent email.
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Page last updated 99-Nov-20 by: Altairboy@aol.com