So, your husband/wife/significant other has just dropped a bomb on you. S/he wants to wear a chastity device and wants you to hold the key. You're thinking, "S/he's sick! I love a pervert! Where did I/we go wrong? Or worse, I want a divorce!" I know, because that's what I thought too. The idea of a chastity belt or other device conjures up additional images of whips, chains and clamps.
But it doesn't have to be like that unless YOU want it to. After nine months with my husband locked into one, I'm happy to say that almost nothing could be further from the truth. Jeff and I are happier than we've ever been together (married 6 and 1/2 years), and I wouldn't change back to the way we were for anything. I wrote this text to help others over the hurdle of adjusting to such a revelation.
Commentary: The Case for Chastity
The concept of chastity is as old as man's struggle for survival. Throughout recorded history and across the face of the world, man has attempted to put methods/procedures/devices into place that will ensure that the ‘goods' are delivered unsullied - the virtue intact. From the primitive tribes in Africa to the courts of Chines emperors, from the sultans harem guarded by eunuchs to the jealous crusader's chastity belt man has sought to protect and hold what is "rightfully" his.
During the Victorian era the idea of purity and chastity peaked. Young women were locked int day-belts for unchaperoned excursions; young males were locked into fearsome toothed devices to prevent impure thoughts and masturbation. However, the influence of this era waned and such device fell into disfavor, but never completely disappeared.
Chastity devices including those for males have made a startling resurgence during the past few years. Womens' belts are becoming increasingly popular overseas as a means of preventing rape and other sexual violations. However, the focus on the rest of this paper is primarily devoted to male devices with wives/girl friends in charge of the keys. Why? First, because that is the relationship I have with my husband. Second, ninety-five percent of the market is for male chastity belts and other chastity devices.
I will usually refer to the female as keyholder and the male as subject. However, this treatise can easily be adapted to the reverse.
Let's look at the reasons for this. Experts classify chastity devices as fetish items. Let's define a fetish as any item or action , whether erotic in nature or not, that sexually arouses an individual or group. It is extremely unusual, though not beyond possibility, for females to be fetishistically driven. Fetishes are usually associated with men. The reason for this is the way men are wired. Their upbringing, taboos during childhood, and the level of testosterone in their bloodstream all contribute to their fetish fantasizes.
Almost all men have some type of fetish impulse to a greater or lesser degree. What woman hasn't experienced her chosen mate asking her to wear a certain type of lingerie, skirt, shoe, hairstyle, makeup or perfume. These are all manifestations of hidden or apparent fetishes.
Mens' sex drive is, altogether, different from that of women. Experts estimate that, during waking hours, the average male has overt sexual thoughts/fantasies twelve times per hour. These thoughts usually generate a partial or complete erection on the order of three to four times per hour. The experts also estimate that the average male will masturbate about three times per day though not necessarily to orgasm. It's apparent that a great deal of sexual energy is being expended by males. Also it seems that men and women, by nature, tend to be attracted to exact opposites.
If that concept garners agreement, the result of this sexual energy can be expressed as one of two extremes. Either the male makes unwanted, aggressive, sexual advances on his partner; or he expends his energy masturbating (which is often distasteful, annoying, or repulsive to the woman), or worse on a mistress and is unable or unmotivated to pleasure his mate when she desires. If the couple agrees on chastity play, however, that energy is directed into much more desirable activities such as working around the house, getting physically fit, losing weight, curbing bad habits, or earing additional money. Wether you call it chastity play, orgasm control, or forced fidelity, the case for male chastity makes sense.
What Kind(s) of Couples Use Chastity Play?
For the sake of simplicity I have broken down some of the basic characteristics of couples who use chastity in their relationships. The first (and smallest) group is comprised of those males who wish to locked up for extended periods without release. While this is a popular fantasy, the reality is that most couples do not really want this type of relationship (and most males find that after a short time it becomes very stressful).
The second group under discussion is also small ans is comprised of that group where the female demands fidelity from her mate. Not only does she demand fidelity, but, she demands PROOF of that fidelity by use of a chastity device. In these cases, if her chosen mate has a chastity fantasy (or can develop one) both players can be big winners. She gets the security she needs and he gets the control he desires.
A slightly larger group I have encountered consists of those couples who use chastity play as a motivational tool. Mental health professionals and educational professionals have long understood that reward combined with punishment is far better that either alone. What better reward than sexual release? What worse punishment than denial of same? Bad behaviors can be eliminated or reduced. Proper behaviors can be enhanced. What woman dose not want more help around the house, more affection, good conversation, a night out, etc... The list is as broad and long as the reader's imagination.
The fourth group I have encountered consists of those couples who use chastity play to regulate differing sexual drives. The keyholder is relieved of the nuisance of fending off undesired sexual advances. This takes pressure off the subject as well. He no longer has to read her moods to tell when she's ready.. When the key comes out, he KNOWS she's ready to play.
Yet another group consists of those couples who use chastity play as extended foreplay of a few hours or days. The keyholder is saying "I want you ready. You will not be locked up long; and the reward will be s-o-o-o sweet!"
I think the largest group consists of those couples where the keyholder has little desire to actually exert control or dominion over her mate. She plays along because it's something the subject wants and she wants to make him happy.
The above categories are not all inclusive. Others occur with a little thought; and, of course, the boundaries between those categories blur over time as the couple's relationship grows and changes.
The Benefits of Chastity
I have classified the benefits of chastity play into three categories - Mundane, Semi-Erotic, and Erotic. These classifications simply make it easier for me to describe. In reality what I describe as semi-erotic may be mundane to another couple and vice-versa.
The first (and most obvious) benefit of chastity play is that the keyholder KNOWS that her mate is faithful. It's one thing to believe with all your heart; it's quite another to know for fact. Even if the subject is attracted to a would-be mistress and the attraction is returned, temptation is removed. Can you picture the two becoming excited and then the male confessing to her he "can't" because his wife has him locked into a chastity device? No, I can't either.
Once the subject is secured he begin to lose outward signs of attraction to "other" women. Jeff has confessed to me that before he began chastity play that he would see a nice looking woman getting out of a car and flashing a little thigh or see a woman with nice breasts and he would have a mini-fantasy about her. Now he says that he must push such thoughts to the back of his mind and avoid these stimulations or suffer the discomfort of a partial erection. In effect you controlling his fantasies whether you are together or apart. YOU become the center of his sexual universe - his fantasy lover. I'll talk more about this later.
As previously mentioned the subject will be more disposed to help around the house - especially under the threat or implied threat of additional time in the device for failure to comply.
The subject will also be more disposed to spend ‘quality' time with his keyholder. Ever just want to talk, take him shopping with you, take quite walks together, play games, share special moments, or just hold hands? Now you will have the tools to make it happen. You control his sexual release and his fantasies; what else has he got to do?
Are there things around the house that need repair? ;-)
Not the least of the benefits is that most chastity devices require the subject to sit to urinate. Others are much more convenient to use while sitting. Sisters, you may never find the seat up again.
Properly conditioned, the subject's aggressive tendencies will begin to ‘soften'. He will experience less violent anger (tantrums), more joy etc... Care should be taken in this area; but some changes will make a world of difference in your relationship. Also in this area, the subject will be much less likely to press his sexual urges on the keyholder when she isn't in the mood. His methods in this area will tend to use much more gentle persuasion.
The proper chastity device will eliminate male masturbation. :-)
Under this category I am placing those benefits that are physical and/or sensual in nature without necessarily leading to sex. For example, as a bank teller, I spend the majority of my day standing on carpet-covered concrete in high heels. Almost nothing can describe the pleasure of a good foot massage after work. In fact Jeff used to get me ‘in-the-mood' with just that little trick before. :-)
I also enjoy full body massages too. While fully clothed, I would place this under mundane benefits. Most of the time, however, I up the ante a little. Imagine stretching out an old quilt, striping to the buff, and having him massage moisturizing lotion first all over the back (neck-to-toe) - then turning over and having him do the front. Now add a cozy fire and good glass of wine. Luxurious!!! (M-e-o-w!)
I've already mentioned using Jeff as a bath attendant, armed with a big fluffy towel straight from the dryer, or washing my back, or shaving my legs - getting all those hard-to-reach places that to do I hate.
How about the joy of beautiful lingerie. I never realized just how sensuous it can be! Jeff used to beg me to wear garter belts and stockings, teddies/camisoles, sexy bras etc... Now that I've got him at a disadvantage, I've started giving him what he wanted - sort of... Now I love dressing up (or down).
I've already talked about Jeff's fantasies, with respect to other women, and how he has repressed them. Periodically I'll use them against him. Sometimes they need to be brought back out so that the subject's focus is sharpened on you. Shopping for lingerie is an excellent activity for you to try together. Most men have a hidden love affair with sexy undies anyway. How about a lingerie fashion show? Trip to the beach/pool so he can helplessly ogle the babes? He'll be forced to deal with the ‘normal reaction' and the realization that you, the keyholder, alone are the center of his universe. (My sister is getting a Birdcage for her husband, once installed, we have plans to take the guys to a strip-bar.)
How about a good old fashioned necking session on the couch like when you were teenagers? Kissing games? The list is limited only by your imagination.
What can I say? Almost any activity can be used as an introduction to sex. You may achieve release anytime by oral or manual means. His release is at your whim and mercy. It may be as frequent or infrequent as you desire. It is recommended that the subject be placed on some kind of sexual ‘diet' so that his appetite for the goodies will peak and have him pleading for more. Use and enjoy this power.
Oral sex - used to hate it. Now, I've developed a real fondness for it. Especially immediately after Jeff has made love to me. Since it's usually at least three weeks or more between orgasms for him, he always delivers a heavy "load". Then I squeeze my vaginal lips together until I can make it up to his face for his ‘cleanup' chore. A warm tongue is so much nicer than a cold, coarse wash cloth for cleaning up and I always have at least one more orgasm at Jeff's expense. Jeff hates this chore, but not enough to refuse sex when I offer it.
Disadvantages of Chastity Play
There few disadvantages to chastity play. Two principle ones come to mind. The first is that it takes work to keep it interesting for both of you; but then any relationship takes an equal amount of effort so this can't really be classified as a disadvantage alone. The other is that the keyholder must be alert to any physical changes that may be cause for concern. These are rare , but do happen.
Many of the benefits of chastity can be considered ‘fun', especially for the keyholder. However, to get the most mileage from the subject's predicament, the keyholder might want to set up a system for the subject's release. I've developed some activities I call "Chastity Games".
The first one I came up with I call ‘Lotto Sex' The rules a re simple. You start out with a bag containing 14 red beads and one green bead. Each day that Jeff pleasures me orally I give him one green bead to add to the bag. Each day he fails to pleasure me (regardless of fault) I put 2 red beads in the bag. In addition a white bead is added to the bag for each day that passes. In addition I may reward Jeff for good behavior or punish him for bad behavior by addition of the appropriate colored bead. Jeff may draw a bead from the bag any time he feels ‘lucky'. If he draws a green bead I give him sex, the bag is emptied and reset and the game begins again. If he draws a white bead he must wait fourteen days before he may draw again (red and green beads continuing to accrue). If he draws a red bead we total the number of red and white beads in the sack, I spank him that many times, the bag is reset and the game begins again.
Another chastity game I use some is vary simple. I shave Jeff's crotch. He doesn't get any release until the hair is completely regrown (usually about 4 weeks).
Another game we play involves the use of two different colored dice (red and green). Jeff rolls the dice. The red one is the first number. The green is the second. So if he rolls red 4 and green 5, he has to wait 45 days for release. Of course if I'm on my period, release is out of the question. He gets to roll again. :-)
You can make any of these more interesting by adding ‘erotic punishments'. An erotic punishment is something that the subject hates almost as much as it is fun for the keyholder. Of course this varies from individual to individual. For example, I make Jeff shave his legs for practice so that he will not cut me when he shaves mine. Sometimes I will make him wear shorts when he shops with me exposing his hairless legs. My experience is that almost no one notices. But to Jeff, every time someone looks his way, or a young girl laughs or giggles, Jeff feels it's directed at him. He gets so embarrassed. If the punishment is successfully completed then days are subtracted from the total. If the subject refuses those days are added to the total.
List of Possible Punishments
The potential list is endless.
In closing let me say that chastity play may not be for everybody. There has never been a single cure-all or formula to cover the complete spectrum of differing relationships. If you find the idea horrible, it may be best to just say no. On the other hand, if you don't find it completely repulsive I believe you should try it. It can be fun, interesting, enlightening, anything YOU want it to be.
Have Fun - Play Safe!
Hugs, Hilda & Jeff
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Page last updated 99-Oct-23 by: Altairboy@aol.com